I’m on the train - 5 hours into a 12 hour train ride, en route from Moncton to Quebec City.
It’s 10:48pm and the sun has just set.
I’ve been working on putting together this archive of past thoughts & posts. Is it redundant to say both ‘archive’ and ‘past’?
A little context:
I graduated from university a few weeks ago, on June 20th (2017). That was a milestone. Naturally, I’ve spent quite a bit of time in the recent past while reflecting on the previous five years - how I got from point A in time to point B in time, A being that move-in day back in September is 2012, and B being walking out of Concovation Hall. Part of me is kind of amazed that it all just went by and it’s done now. It’s kind of the same way I felt on that last day of the first year of university. I did a fair bit of writing (journalling) in my first year. I’ve been reading over what I wrote. It’s interesting to read something and have it put you back in a headspace you hadn’t been in, in awhile. It’s a good reminder of where I came (out) from. At the time, I wouldn’t have let anyone read it (except my best friend and internet strangers).
Maybe we have to be guarded to get ahead or maybe it’s exhausting to be sincere - maybe both. I dunno. But I was so darn earnest and sincere in what I felt, and I miss that. I haven’t written anything in awhile. The words never feel right. I know I wrote that back then, too. I’ve been wanting to write down an actual reflection of my university years, of the mistakes I made, of what I’d learned. I tried, too. To write it, that is. Multiple times. I never finished any of the notes. Maybe that’s okay. Fragments are okay. One. piece. at. a. time.